W. C. Fields Quotes

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. Fields

Success, Fool, Try

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields

Funny, Food, Sometimes

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
W. C. Fields

Women, Crazy, Doubt

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. Fields

Humor, Smile, Start

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
W. C. Fields

Best, Sleep, Insomnia

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields

Funny, Fish, Water

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. Fields

Trust, Water, Straight

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. Fields

Woman, Her, Drink

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. Fields

Life, Woman, Try

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. Fields

Brilliance, Bull

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.
W. C. Fields

New Year's, Home, Worry

I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields

Funny, Children, Fried

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.
W. C. Fields

Life, Experience, Beautiful

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. Fields

Nothing, Around, House

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
W. C. Fields

Politics, Hell, Vote

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
W. C. Fields

Equality, Hate, Free

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
W. C. Fields

Small, Whiskey, Carry

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. Fields

Money, Nothing, Rich

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields

Food, Live, Nothing

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
W. C. Fields

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. Fields

Live, Heart, Long

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.
W. C. Fields

Women, Elephants

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. Fields

Time, Face, Situation

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
W. C. Fields

Live, Remember, Dead

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields

Travel, Food, Live

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Biography

Nationality: American

Born: January 29, 1880

Died: December 25, 1946

Links

Find on Amazon: W. C. Fields

Cite this Page: Citation

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