Robert Benchley Quotes

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
Robert Benchley

Funny, Great, Nothing

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Robert Benchley

Funny, Nothing, Said

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.
Robert Benchley

Pet, Children, Small

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
Robert Benchley

Loyalty, Down, Before

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
Robert Benchley

Pet, Down, Before

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.
Robert Benchley

Travel, Children, Two

Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
Robert Benchley

Ignorance, Someone, Behind

A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.
Robert Benchley

Family, Death, Nothing

Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.
Robert Benchley

Funny, Afraid, Tell

The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.
Robert Benchley

Word, Writer, Perhaps

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?
Robert Benchley

Funny, Why, Dry

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
Robert Benchley

Makes, Fools, Drinking

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.
Robert Benchley

Work, Moment, Anyone

Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author's soul. If that upheaval is not present then it must come from the works of any other author which happens to be handy and easily adapted.
Robert Benchley

Great, Spring, Soul

After an author has been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get a new book out of him each year.
Robert Benchley

Time, Book, Him

Anyone who tries to keep track of what is happening in China is going to end up by wearing all the skin of his left ear from twirling around on it.
Robert Benchley

End, Around, Keep

I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine.
Robert Benchley

Work, Down, Shine

I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author.
Robert Benchley

Left, Behind, Works

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.
Robert Benchley

Death, Drinking, Slow

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
Robert Benchley

Him, Monkey, Quote

There is a note in the front of the volume saying that no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission. It ought to be made much more difficult to do than that.
Robert Benchley

Saying, May, Made

A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.
Robert Benchley

Work, Great, Done

An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.
Robert Benchley

Game, Team, Matter

At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn't money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands.
Robert Benchley

Money, Power, Everything

Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.
Robert Benchley

Woman, Feeling, Step

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Biography

Nationality: American

Born: September 15, 1889

Died: September 21, 1945

Links

Find on Amazon: Robert Benchley

Cite this Page: Citation

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